Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Kill me now.. I'm single

Is being single really as bad as we think it is?

Is it really the flesh eating bacterial disease we make it out to be?

I've been single for the greater half of 2 years.. Can't say that I've enjoyed the status each day but I'm used to it.. Ive had enough non-relationship issues in the last 2 years to last a lifetime..

Do I get lonely? HELL YES

I can't even pretend like I wouldn't rather call "my man" to go have a drink instead of my BFF crossing my fingers praying he doesn't have plans already.. I'd much rather hold a conversation over dinner instead of twitpic'n it and talking about it with my followers.. I sure as hell get tired of reading a book on the streetcar instead of talking to someone who'll get my weak dry corny ass jokes.. 

You know how bad I want to lay in bed after sex and kiss my mans back so he'll know it's time for round 3 or 12 (who's keeping count?) .. I'm always in the mall and I often find myself in Macy's men's dept. saying "He'd look good in that" or "He might like those shoes" who's he tho? Maybe I'm delusional and the made up man Charles who lives in my head is the one I want to shop for.. 

Aside from the occasional delusions my single life isn't all bad.. I can do what I please whenever I please.. I can flirt with whoever I like.. It def doesn't beat having that special someone to be yourself with but it's not the end of the world either.. Yes you're probably sleeping alone on a cold Cali king Vera Wang pillow top mattress (sigh) but its not all bad 

This is the time to discover yourself.. It's sounds cliché but its true.. Prepare yourself for your life.. Go out meet people who will help to advance your life/career.. Have fun.. Be young.. Just live!! Being single wont kill you.. Use this time to get ready for whoever you end up with.. Stop looking for a relationship and let it happen.. 

Will I be saying the same thing in 5 1/2 years when I'm 3_ and I want kids plus a marriage? I doubt it but its fine for me now..

Friday, January 25, 2013


Shooting up 
Sweet nectar in your veins 
Sweet pleasure 
Sweet pain 
For a moment 
Going numb 
Drugs taking you higher 
It’s a pity 
Can’t function 
This rush 
Spirit is crying 
Poison feels good only so long before you realize youre dying 
Longing for the next fix 
Searching for someone to scratch your itch 
So naive 
Settling for whatever you can get 
Careless and ignorant 
Selling yourself short  
Taking whoever wants to please 
If they can take you there  
You're with it 
Admit it 
Pipe is on the other side of empty 
Tried 12 steps 
Withdrawals carry you back to the one who gets it wet 
The one who never rejects 
Knows what you want and never objects 
A dealer 
Doesnt care long as hes getting paid 
Drugs are the best 
Accepting neglect disrespect 
Just for a fix  
Killing softly 
Sexual OD 
The sweetest most pleasurable death 

Thursday, September 13, 2012


I don't look at you
When I'm with you I keep my eyes closed
Trying to conjure up something else
I'm not addicted
Pretending I'm somewhere else
I'm not addicted
Anywhere but here
The most unhealthy thing is like my medicine
You're the dealer in a way
I wish it was simplier than it is
Wish I could just walk away and stay
12 steps to recovery
A long road and I haven't even admitted I have a problem
All I do is duck and dodge them
When I need a refill I just ask that you provide them
That's why I'm here closing my eyes
Avoiding the issues
Cause I know when I leave I'll miss you
12 steps to recovery
Can't even step to the first
No matter how many nights of withdrawl
Cold sweats kicks and screams that lead to revelations and self discovery
I'll seek that fix
Cause I never quite scratch that itch
I'll be here once rehab is done closing my eyes as you fill the perscription between my thighs

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


keeping score like you placed bets on a pool
clock counting down
strategic plays
another championship game
you win I lose
on a pedestal
hand out like I should kiss the ring
you’re superior in this game
we play
fouls called
can’t or maybe I just won’t challenge
no red flag
what you say stands
constantly rejected
feelings heated
you’re playing the ref and your calls are just bullshit
speak on it?
act out?
get ejected
so I let you have your way
tally them up
score based off your ego
running plays down
your QB sacked
3rd and goal
just when I think I’m in the lead
underdog becomes the champ
2pt conversion
a failed diversion
helmet to helmet
I’m out cold
cart me off
guess I’m back to play next season

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Can You Handle It?

If I opened up
Let you creep in
Gave you the chance to feel me
Get as deep as you can
As far as I allow
Imagine how amazing that could be
Coax the inside
I promise not to bite
Pain turns to pleasure
As we explore each other
Can I go there with you?
Can I give it to you?
Teach you…
Can I learn you?
Every inch
Earn the pleasure…
Like my favorite book
Turn your pages til I find your spot
The climax
No turning back
When things start getting hot
I won’t beg you to stop
Too much is never enough
Can I be sure you won’t use my secrets against me?
These things you’ll discover
I’ve never shared with another
Before you enter the darkest depths of this woman
Can you handle it if I opened up and let you creep in?


Am I the one chasing now?
Always thought I was waiting…
Watching you pace
Mind flooded with the possibility of our love affair ending
I can’t read your mind
Try to catch your eye
Search your face for a sign
This isn’t easy
You make things so hard
How can I love you
When you keep up your guard
You can’t keep treating me this way
Locking me out when we get too close
I just got something on my mind
I’m sick of being treated like the enemy all the time
Like I’m forcing you to love me
I’m just waiting for my time
If you don’t know or hell if you won’t admit what you’re feeling
Let me know I’ll walk away
Just don’t hide the truth from me
I don’t know what hurts you
I just want to make it right
Be the one you need in your life
Make the impossible possible
Let me in
If only for one night

Fill Me

I’m lost
The tunnel is dark
The end is before me
I hear my screams
I pray as I drop to my knees
I need you
Be with me
Hold my hand
Guide me
Clarity and peace are not enough
I need you
Be with me
I’m begging and pleading
I’m losing me
Giving up all hope
Forgetting who you want me to be
Choosing hell over my destiny
Demons fill me breaking my spirit
Yet your light is still here God
It’s burning in my soul
I can feel it
Stay with me
Be my eyes when I cannot see
My strength when I get too weak
My arms when I cannot reach
My voice when I can’t speak
Fight these demons
I rebuke the…
Hold my hand guide me
Believe me when I say
You are my everything
This road to salvation I long and hard
For you I am willing to take it
Fill me Lord
With you I can make it