5'3

WTF is wrong with me

WTF

WHAT THE FUCK

I feel sick

I'm sick

I'm twisted

Slightly masochistic

Satisfaction

Degradation

Hurting myself with hesitation

It's all so wrong

Who cares

For a while it feels right

Then I get caught up

Find myself drowning

In a bottle of brown tears

Pain on the rocks

Confronting fears

Running back to lonely

Blaming

Everyone but... hmph

Me

I'm the one harming me

Fuck it

I'm sadistic

Like I said

I'm twisted

Crazy

Psychotic

For a while I don't mind stopping

Then the urge comes back

I start feigning

For that pain again

That hate

The arguing

With myself

I'll take that painful pleasure

Before I'll be alone and well

I'll be a masochistic monster

I'll live in hell

No names

Hmmm
I dont want much
Just one bite
One night
Stand?
Maybe
Not looking for a man
Just a hand
To cup my breasts
A few rounds
Good sex
Kiss me
Lick my lips
Both sets
Drop the sweet shit
I want rough sex
Tease me
Yea
Scratch my back
Choke me a little
Slap me around
No biting or sucking
Thats not how I get down
I dont wanna remember you in the morning
I'll be gone before you're yawning
But when I get down its my name you'll be calling
For the rest of the night
Focus fuck me
Alright?
I'll go home to my man
You'll go wherever
But while we're still here
Take my body
It's a pleasure

Between

I am deep
Further than your member seeks
When you're done
I hear your foot steps on the floor
I lay in sweat
Lay in sweat thinking back
As I patiently await the next
Tearing my soul apart
Spreading my thighs
As I search a strangers eyes
No names exchanged
More than hurt
I dont realize my worth
I am a woman
So I spread these thighs
Moans
Screams
Sent sky high
Done
You still want more
Have you mesmerized
Yet you still seek the door
Satisfied
You've had my treasure
My cherry pie
The sweet warm sensation between my thighs
Door closed
Now my cries are sent sky high
Asking him why
Why dont I know my worth
I am a woman
I am deep
Further than your member reached...

Call me stupid

I'm not sure of many things but one thing I know is that we all have  
that one person that we'll do just about anything for. Not family nor  
friends that one person you love unconditionally no matter how much  
bullshit they've put you through you'll be there for them whenever  
they need you.

I had a really heated argument with a friend of mine a couple months ago  
because (as he says) I let the devil back into my life. Honestly I  
found it hard to keep him out. Mainly because he still to this day owns a piece of  
me I'll never get it back no refunds I lost my reciept I paid with  
blood sweat and tears (literally).

No matter how hard I tried I honestly couldn't let go of him. Everything that  
has happened between us which usually left me crying and him off doing  
whatever he does. I still love him my heart cried for this kid. 
My mind body and soul hate him they don't trust him its like a battle 
within and my heart always won the fight.


I tried several times to replace him with somebody else, but I never found 
anyone who excites me enough to make me stay (once but thats a different story)

I always said to myself that I would never love anyone that much. I  
always thought it was something I could control I thought I could turn  
my heart on and off. For the longest time I thought it was just lust.
I see now that I was dead wrong.

I love hate and regret EVERY moment spent with him I would fall deeper into  
a trap a black hole that I couldn't fight my way out of.

It'a funny cause I kinda feel that if I needed him he'd be or attempt  
to be there for me but never give or do more than I would if the shoe  
was on the other foot. That may make me a little stupid and believe me  
I was a little stupid but love will make you do silly things. I am only  
a woman with a heart and I knew I would get over him one day and I tried  
but I'm still weak I'm growing it just took a little time.

Here I am being a little too honest with you all once again.

my thoughts  -Chi

Who am I?

Who am I to you
An ass
Face
Tits
A waist
An object
A person
A toy
Time consumer
A midnight treat
Somethin sweet to eat
flavors dance in your tongue
Your entertainment
Using me for fun
Am I 
Cleopatra 
A goddess
Hoodrat
A Potential babymama
A bunch of drama
Who am I to you
Tell me
Cause
I'm slowly losing Chi
Trying to be
Everything you want from me
Fulfilling your needs
Who am I to you
Apparently you don't see who I am
More than a woman
More than a body
I'm a lover
Ima fighter
Winner
Provider 
Mother 
Daughter
Your soulmate
Your escape
Shoulder cry on
The only one you rely on
I'm more than you see
I'm more then you expect me to be
But if all you want is sex from me
I'll go
I wanna be free
I just wanna be me
Be Chi

Time

Time heals all wounds
These may never close
Heart aches for a love
A love never known
My mind tells me to move on
To what?
I see nothing
But everything all at once
I tell myself that I don't want you
I'll lie until it's true
You probably don't understand
My background is shaky
Past is a blur
Just know it still hurts
Gave my all to a man
Who couldve cared less
About me or my feelings
So afraid to care for you
To give you apart of me
I only let him see
Someday I'll allow
My heart to be free
Just not now
As the days pass
The fire dies
Your intrest fades
And heres just another bitter woman
Who won't allow herself to embrace

Love she deserves 
Loves tender embrace

Karma

Cant be true
Your lips are moving
But I cant hear you
Voices screaming
"Liar he's such a effin' liar"
Killing me inside
I should just follow my first mind
Walk away
The look in your eyes
It makes me stay
Listen
Believe
Everything you say
Lies
But those lips
Those eyes
They get me everytime
I can't say it was all you
Im a woman
We can be quite stupid
Love had me blinded
Now every time you speak
Im reminded of the
Lies
Deceit
Tears
Pain
Time has passed
Im not the same
You're still lying
The dreams you're selling
Im not buying
They always cost me too much
Im thinking back
I was in love
You were in lust
Now the tables have turned
You want to forget the past
You want my trust

Things have changed
It's time to play my games.