Call me stupid

I'm not sure of many things but one thing I know is that we all have  
that one person that we'll do just about anything for. Not family nor  
friends that one person you love unconditionally no matter how much  
bullshit they've put you through you'll be there for them whenever  
they need you.

I had a really heated argument with a friend of mine a couple months ago  
because (as he says) I let the devil back into my life. Honestly I  
found it hard to keep him out. Mainly because he still to this day owns a piece of  
me I'll never get it back no refunds I lost my reciept I paid with  
blood sweat and tears (literally).

No matter how hard I tried I honestly couldn't let go of him. Everything that  
has happened between us which usually left me crying and him off doing  
whatever he does. I still love him my heart cried for this kid. 
My mind body and soul hate him they don't trust him its like a battle 
within and my heart always won the fight.


I tried several times to replace him with somebody else, but I never found 
anyone who excites me enough to make me stay (once but thats a different story)

I always said to myself that I would never love anyone that much. I  
always thought it was something I could control I thought I could turn  
my heart on and off. For the longest time I thought it was just lust.
I see now that I was dead wrong.

I love hate and regret EVERY moment spent with him I would fall deeper into  
a trap a black hole that I couldn't fight my way out of.

It'a funny cause I kinda feel that if I needed him he'd be or attempt  
to be there for me but never give or do more than I would if the shoe  
was on the other foot. That may make me a little stupid and believe me  
I was a little stupid but love will make you do silly things. I am only  
a woman with a heart and I knew I would get over him one day and I tried  
but I'm still weak I'm growing it just took a little time.

Here I am being a little too honest with you all once again.

my thoughts  -Chi