Narconon

I don't look at you
When I'm with you I keep my eyes closed
Trying to conjure up something else
I'm not addicted
Pretending I'm somewhere else
I'm not addicted
Anywhere but here
The most unhealthy thing is like my medicine
You're the dealer in a way
I wish it was simplier than it is
Wish I could just walk away and stay
12 steps to recovery
A long road and I haven't even admitted I have a problem
All I do is duck and dodge them
When I need a refill I just ask that you provide them
That's why I'm here closing my eyes
Avoiding the issues
Cause I know when I leave I'll miss you
12 steps to recovery
Can't even step to the first
No matter how many nights of withdrawl
Cold sweats kicks and screams that lead to revelations and self discovery
I'll seek that fix
Cause I never quite scratch that itch
I'll be here once rehab is done closing my eyes as you fill the perscription between my thighs

Score

keeping score like you placed bets on a pool
clock counting down
strategic plays
another championship game
you win I lose
on a pedestal
hand out like I should kiss the ring
you’re superior in this game
we play
fouls called
can’t or maybe I just won’t challenge
no red flag
what you say stands
constantly rejected
feelings heated
you’re playing the ref and your calls are just bullshit
speak on it?
act out?
get ejected
so I let you have your way
tally them up
score based off your ego
running plays down
your QB sacked
3rd and goal
just when I think I’m in the lead
underdog becomes the champ
2pt conversion
a failed diversion
collision
helmet to helmet
I’m out cold
cart me off
guess I’m back to play next season

Can You Handle It?

If I opened up

Let you creep in

Gave you the chance to feel me

Get as deep as you can

As far as I allow

Imagine how amazing that could be

Coax the inside

I promise not to bite

Pain turns to pleasure

As we explore each other

Can I go there with you?

Can I give it to you?

Teach you…

Can I learn you?

Every inch

Earn the pleasure…

Like my favorite book

Turn your pages til I find your spot

The climax

No turning back

When things start getting hot

I won’t beg you to stop

Too much is never enough

Can I be sure you won’t use my secrets against me?

These things you’ll discover

I’ve never shared with another

Before you enter the darkest depths of this woman

Can you handle it if I opened up and let you creep in?

Impossible

Am I the one chasing now?

Always thought I was waiting…

Watching you pace

Mind flooded with the possibility of our love affair ending

I can’t read your mind

Try to catch your eye

Search your face for a sign

This isn’t easy

You make things so hard

How can I love you

When you keep up your guard

You can’t keep treating me this way

Locking me out when we get too close

I just got something on my mind

I’m sick of being treated like the enemy all the time

Like I’m forcing you to love me

I’m just waiting for my time

If you don’t know or hell if you won’t admit what you’re feeling

Let me know I’ll walk away

Just don’t hide the truth from me

I don’t know what hurts you

I just want to make it right

Be the one you need in your life

Make the impossible possible

Let me in

If only for one night

Fill Me

I’m lost

The tunnel is dark

The end is before me

I hear my screams

I pray as I drop to my knees

I need you

Be with me

Hold my hand

Guide me

Clarity and peace are not enough

I need you

Be with me

I’m begging and pleading

I’m losing me

Giving up all hope

Forgetting who you want me to be

Choosing hell over my destiny

Demons fill me breaking my spirit

Yet your light is still here God

It’s burning in my soul

I can feel it

Stay with me

Be my eyes when I cannot see

My strength when I get too weak

My arms when I cannot reach

My voice when I can’t speak

Fight these demons

I rebuke the…

Hold my hand guide me

Believe me when I say

You are my everything

This road to salvation I long and hard

For you I am willing to take it

Fill me Lord

With you I can make it

Selfish

Sorry I had to leave

Can’t promise I’ll come back

I know it’s selfish of me

I can’t help it

Things moved too fast

Memories choke me

They stain my pillow

Remember how we used to be?

Tracing tear stains

Stand in the rain to hide the pain

Are my apologies enough?

Never thought I’d leave

Flooded with emotion

Yesterday I tried to see the point in staying

Blurry vision

Thoughts too far gone

This has gone far enough

As bad as I want you to be here with me

It’s best to leave you behind

Or did you let me go?

Time was on our side

Would you believe that I love you?

Despite my actions

Believe me its true

I write these words

Instead of reaching for you at night

It’s the fact that I thought I was holding you back

I just needed to disappear

My dreams cry for you

If I could turn it back

I wouldn’t know you

I would have never whispered my name

Save you the shame

Prevent the hurt

I’m sorry but I had to leave

Can’t say I’ll come back

I know its selfish of me

Giving The Best

In the morning

No feather light kiss to your cheek

We don’t have sweet goodbyes

No whispers about our shared pleasures

No breaths wasted

No time to speak

How many times have we said we’re done?

I lost count after one

The first time was believable

Second time not so much

Are we over us?

Us as in the random hook-ups

Drunk nights I’ll send that sooooooooooo txt

You know I just want to fuck

Door unlocked

Find my way and we do us

We never bothered to know each other

After the fucking it could have been something

We’ve gotten to the point where we don’t even like each other

Or is that a part of the game?

Why do I let you get under my skin?

Talk shit to make the sex better?

These are the thougts I gather as we take yet another “break”

Then I’m back at your door

We fuck

Take leave until we get drunk and lust kicks in

To say we’ve shared the deepest parts of ourselves with one another

Pass by on the street and we don’t even speak

Our eyes never meet

Yet I end up back in your bed

Hands gripping the hair on your head

Kissing your chest

You bite my lips my neck

I guess we’ve found what we like best about each other

No words just moans

Your sheets wet with our sweat

As we give our best