Seul, Perdu, Confondre, Peur

I'm confused
I can't express myself
Depressed
I'm always neglecting myself
I never come first
I don't think of me as a person
More like a servant
Here to please
Never acknowledging my own needs
My silence is golden
My mind never stops working
Filled with words not spoken
Always listening
Sharing kind words
Giving advice
Ignoring the void in my life 
Emptiness that claws at me during the night
Alone in dark
Praying for clarity
A moment to reveal my truths
To no one in particular
No one really listens
Just seeking understanding
For a girl lost in her world
Confused
Bruised
Broken
Drifting deeper into the dark corners of my shattered heart

Speedin' to your END .... pt II 7 days of Torture

In the air
Ha you thought it would end that easy
Not likely
I have have plans for my Beau
I'm gonna torture you
Slowly
Live out my sick fantasies
You'll regret the day you met me
Disrespected me
You thought you were the man
Sleeping with as many women as you can
Now the time has come for you to pay
Sit back relax I have some things to say
*clears throat*
I have plans for you
I'm gonna make you hurt
bury you alive
beneath 6 ft of dirt
or maybe cut off each limb
watch you bleed to death
nah that would be a big mess
ugh I don't wanna stress
I'm getting frustrated
I can't wait to kill you
that's it
ill hang you and watch you choke to death
oh yes that's it
in the meantime
I'll leave you in the trunk to rot with your dead bitch
*slams trunk*

Speedin' to your END !!

I-10 racing
Going nowhere fast
Just thinking
Contemplating
Putting mind at ease
Before it's over
Not slowing down 
Life in my rearview
Dash holds a photo of you
Gorgeous face and smile
Ugh how I hate it
Yes I've been drinking
Erasing
Our ...
My ...
Painful memories
I've been praying for the end
Come soon
*in background radio plays*
This would be a beautiful death
Jumping out the window
Letting everything go..... 
HaShit makes since now
Crashing ain't so beautiful though
Scars left behind
Closed casket
Moms collapsing
Yea too much
Easy death
I'm praying for it
Lifes so hard
I let down my guard
To get hurt
Never again
Pain and all the trouble caused
I believed in hope
Silly me
Foolish dreams
Relying on destiny
Praying to God
How could he let this happen to me
I loved him
I did everything for him
My life was him
Fuck this
I can't do this
Too many lies
Fucked up my life
I want it to be over
*stops car*
No tomorrow
No more sorrow
*gets out*
times a wastin'
*walks to trunk*
No time for floor pacin'
*opens trunk*
hey baby 
Surprise SURPRISE!!!
I couldn't let you get away with your shit
Cheatin on me with that bitch
I know everything
From beginning to end
She was my best friend
Look at her
Dead
Single shot to the head
While giving you head
Ironic isn't it?
Hahahahahahaha
Did you say I'm crazy?
Yea I'm crazy
That's the way you made me
Haha
Time to put you to rest
Eternally
Sooo any last requests???
Oh what's that you say???
Empty the clip in your chest???
My pleasure
*shots fired*


To Be continued.... 

Invade Your Space

Inches apart
I feel the beats of your heart
Pulse matches mine
I feel your warmth
Heat radiates
Skin so smooth
Scent so clean
Fingers graze your forearm
I just wanna be near you
Make you uncomfortable
Unsure of my motives
My next move
Uneasy
I just wanna smell you
Weird I know
Rub the arch in your back
Be sneaky rub your booty
Lick your neck
Not always being sexual
I just want to be next to you
Sit in your lap as you watch tv
Blow in your ear
Sharing hugs
Unexpected kisses
Sneak up behind you
Spoon you
Love taps
Touching you
Gently kissing you
Nose
Eyes 
Forehead 
Cheeks
Chin
Pink lips
Nibble on your ear
I just want to invade your space
I wanna be close oh so close
Im your shadow
Never leaving your side
Invading your space
If that's alright

Walk Away

What do you do when you know somethings bad for you and you still  
can't let go?

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was decieved by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
And it hurts my soul cause I cant let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cause I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need
to walk away from
I néed to get away from ya
I need to walk away from ya
Get away walk away walk away
I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see thru the smoke
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds
But the venom seems deeper
We both can seduce
but darling you hold me prisoner
Im about to break
And I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm feigning for a cure
Every step I take
leads to one mistake
I keep going right back to the one thing need
I can't mend this torn state i'm in
Gettin nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from ya
Need to walk away from ya
Every time I try to grasp for air 
I am smothered in despair
It's never over 
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare
I let out a silent prayer 
It's never over
Inside im screaming
Begging
Pleading
No more
I don't know what to do
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you
And it hurts my soul
Cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop
My suffering
I hate to show that
I've lost control cause I
Keep going right back to the one thing
That i need to walk away from
Only thing I need to do
is walk away from you


C.A

Nigga you paying

Ok earlier this morning i got a txt from this dude asking me out. I  
say sure. Dude proceeds to txt me and say we'll have to split the bill  
cause he's hurting. I just kinda ignored him like I never got that  
txt. Quite honestly I was turned off immediately.

I'm not much of a dater I went out on my first date ever earlier this  
yr (stupid late bloomer I know lol) Despite my lack of experience in  
the dating world I have loads of common sense and I know how I want to  
be approached.

Fellas don't EVER ask a woman out and tell her that you will have to  
split the bill. Don't ask a woman out if you don't have the funds to  
pay her way. That makes you look bad. Wait until you get paid. If she  
was gonna go out with you then she'd probably still go once pay day  
rolls around. Don't embarrass yourself and turn her off in the process.

I myself wouldnt mind really cheap or better yet FREE dates. Walking  
around a park chilling on the river going to the movies on 5 DOLLAR  
DAYS etc etc those are actually my preferences. The cheaper the better  
I believe. I have no issuses with paying either. I've picked up bills  
paid for movie tickets etc etc. Even if I was asked out it's not a big  
deal it's extra points for me.

I'd never ask a dude out and tell him to pay for his food. I mean he  
might have to pick me up but hell I ALWAYS offer gas money (don't ask  
why) that's just how I am. I'm more than courteous. Call me a simp if  
you want. Shit I'm rare. Most women expect a man to cover EVERYTHING.  
Trust me ladies if you grab the bill here and there it's appreciated.  
Try it and stop being a moocher. Fellas please please please never go  
on a date broke.


Just my random thoughts (FFT)

.......

Floating
No ground beneath my feet
I must be smoking
No joking
I'm in love
Passion so real
It must be contagious
I can't take this
I need u
I breathe u
I wish I could carry u in my pocket
I can't leave u
You're unbelievable
Everything about u is beautiful
No comparison
Like Harrison
You can be my Fugitive
Under covers
You're my lover
I don't wanna forget this
I'm floating
I'm open
High off love
Your touch
Your kiss
A drug
I must be dreaming
Scheming
Finding ways to keep you to myself
I'm selfish
With you I can't help this
Thoughts so reckless
Im open
Still floating
No joking
Your love got me floating